and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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