I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
