I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
