this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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