Welp...herpes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
