how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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