btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
