I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
