i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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