you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
