Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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