Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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