Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
