i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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