I wish I could teleport
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
