Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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