What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So squirting runs in the family.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All the doctor said was why
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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