We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
