if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
