Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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