Duck Duck Cougar?
i was born a porn star she said
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
