I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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