I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
