her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
