Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
