Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
