omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
