Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
