32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
