i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
