im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
