Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
