well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
