his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
