Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
