i wish starbucks made bloody marys
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize