I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
