...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
