Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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