I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
