Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
