Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
