I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
