How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
