I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
