dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
