Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
