Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
