Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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