You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
