Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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