omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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