Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
