I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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