When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
