Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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