Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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