he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
