I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize