So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
