Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
