K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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