Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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