the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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