2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
