Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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