I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
