My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You did what with his pubic hair?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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