Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize