yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
