Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
