I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
