i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
